|
|
I shouldn't have to tell you this, but I'm going to anyway. This page contains things that Jan has said, and that means swearing. Lots and lots of swearing. I am not going to censor it. If this offends you, go away now.
Okay, I warned you.
Order 05: Brotherhood
Jan: If Britz is the traitor, why don't we just cap him?!
Luke: Don't be so stupid, Jan.
Jan: What?
Luke: The police arrested Britz last week.
Jan: He got busted? Man, that's a mind fuck.
Jan: (on the phone) God help me, please! There's these vampires sucking everybody's blood! It's true, I'm not fucking around- (pulls the cord, phone goes dead) It's true. I'm not fucking around.
Jan: So you won't believe what he did next man, it's too fucked up! After he ran Solo's bar out of business he fucking poached all the girls from his place, man! So like Solo totally fucking snaps-
Luke: Oh, shut up!
Jan: Bro! What's wrong with you, man, hey!?
Luke: You always get so annoying before work. I've said it before, I know I'll probably say it again; please learn to work quietly.
Jan: Yeah, yeah, I've heard all that before, I know... Christ.
Luke: You've got no excuse to screw this up, Jan.
Jan: Screw up? Well, that's never gonna happen, bro... This shit's gonna be a cakewalk.
Jan: Jesus Christ, you suck! You all fucking suck! But as long as I get to keep killing, and keep drinking, whatever works is cool! Killing Hellsing, killing whatever... fuck it, man, I'll just kill 'em all!
Jan: I am so fucking hard right now! We're smarter than you bitches and you can't stop us!
Order 06: Dead Zone
Jan: Um, hello? Is this thing on? All right! This is a shoutout to all our listeners in the Round Table Conferance, and a special hello to that whoring little bitch Miss Hellsing, can you hear me? We are the Valentine Brothers! I'm Jan Valentine, an' it's real nice to finally meet you. We appriciate you joing us for this late lunch; we are currently enjoying the delicious taste of the Hellsing membership!
Integra: They're eating my people...
Jan: Now while you're waiting for us to kill you, we highly recommend pissing yourselves, followed by a course of praying to your impotent God! Then cowering in the corner and begging, always good! But if you act now, there's still time for an old-fashioned suicide! THANK YOU LONDON! WE LOVE YOU! GOODNIGHT!
Luke: Jan, you there?
Jan: Hey man. This is Jan, captain and leader of the Hellsing Killer Unit, awww yeah!
Luke: Anything wrong?
Jan: Nah, nothing really, but check this shit, we got another undead sucker to worry about other than Big Red. But she's, like, gone underground though.
Luke: I understand; I'll take cae of that.
Jan: Hey, I've been working my ass off, bro. First and second floors are already clear. Now all that's left is to take care of is that stupid little bitch and the old fuckin' geezer.
Jan: Damn, that is some fucked-up shit! A country with this much poverty and what does Miss Bitch spend her money on? These fucking overpriced cigars! Don't you boys think that's pretty fucked up? 'Course you think it's fucked up! Death's too good for her. I'm gonna fuck that bitch, shoot her in the head, and fuck her there!
Jan: End of the line, Alfred. (tackled by Seras)
Seras: Are you alright, Walter?
Jan: Oww, oww! That hurt!
Walter: Out of practice, but unscathed. That was quite the good tackle, by the way.
Jan: Get off me you stupid bitch! Shit, just take your fucking-ow!
Seras: Oh, well, I used to be a cop you know.
Jan: You're not human either! God damn it! Get off me!
Walter: Now my boy. It's time for some answers, alright? Why did you try to attack us so brazenly, and who handed down the order?
Jan: You ain't gettin' shit from me, man! (Walter steps on his hand) AAAAAAHHHHH!!
Jan: I'm Jani...
Luke: And I'm Luke...
Both: With the weather report.
Luke: Hey, didn't we lose?
Jan: We sure did... what's that weird thing eating your head?
Luke: Aaaaahhhh... and you're on fire.